Sciences Participating with Arts & Culture in Education

Wrestling with Worries

Every morning, I wake up.
I undo the covers, roll out of bed.
This has been my daily routine, every day, for seventeen years.
Will I do it again tomorrow?

I check the news.
Global warming, famine, plague.
Everyday, the same.
And I ask myself, how aren’t I yet dead?
War, genocide, natural disasters.
My stomach tightens.

I let my eyes wander during the day.
The sun is shining.
The birds are singing.
I even feel good.
Perhaps we’ll be okay.

I sit up, soaked in cold sweats.
I’ve never faced extreme violence.
I’ve never faced extreme natural disasters.
Yet, I’m plagued with fear.
My heart begins to ache.

Perhaps I’m living the good life.
Does that make me a bad person?
No, I don’t think so.
My mouth is dry.

Just sheer, dumb luck.

I try to think of the positive.
How can I contribute to make things right?
Can I make things right?

My alarm goes off. I roll out of bed once more.
So far so good.
I check the news.
In 2023, 400 mass shootings in the U.S alone.

We all hear the stories: 12 dead in a freak accident.
10 dead, 3 injured.27 dead, 2 injured.
32 dead, 23 injured.
58 dead, 546 injured.

My palms are clammy.
I run my hands up and down my thighs.

I’ve never experienced gun violence.
Not yet anyways.

The headline changes. “Australia on fire!”
Hey, would you look at that! Something I have first-hand experience with!
I don’t know whether I should laugh or cry.

I close my eyes, watching the images fly by in my head.
I’ve lived through winters slowly fading.
I’ve lived through the extinction of over 160 different species.
I’ve watched the ocean burn.

My head is pounding.
Perhaps I should change the subject.

I just can’t shake it.

I’ve seen the oil spills.
I’ve seen the smoke.
I’ve seen the violence broadcasted.
I’ve heard the screams.

My shoulders tense. I can’t stop picking my lips.

I can’t decide which is worse.

Both are bad. Terrible, even.
But worst of all?
Ignorance and greed.
The biggest pandemic yet.

We are at war, and this time, I’m not sure we’ll win.
The Earth is rejecting us.
I believe our time may be coming to an end.

And I ask myself: how couldn’t we see this coming?
My mind is racing.
Why didn’t we stop this? Or better yet: why didn’t we get here sooner?
I feel nauseous.

My father always says: “follow the money.”

This time, I think he’s right.
Corporate greed.
Sweeping things under the rug.
Hiding and secrecy.
“Of course we didn’t see it coming.”

“How could we?”

“The wool was pulled over our eyes!”
No, I don’t think so.

There was no wool.
We put the blinders on.

We did this.
Anything for that extra buck.
“You understand, don’t you?”

It was never about the planet.
Hell, it wasn’t even about humanity.
It was all for that pretty penny.
“You have to understand!”

My jaw is clenched. My legs are shaking.
I understand just fine.

Corruption is a strange thing.
Why can’t you understand?
This affects you too.
You could have all the money in the world.

Throw your money at it.
Try all you like.
It won’t save you.

The fact is, it’s time to face the music.
We did this.
But will we own up to it?

Even that is uncertain.
 

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash