(D)evolution… or things I would tell you if fear did not hold me back
Illustration by LAUREN ALEXANDER
Your smile is a beacon of light
and I have nothing but deep, quiet
yearnings for things illuminated.
So smile wide,
and let its edges become
as you ignite my insides
with your eyes and smile.
I heard the whispers of your fingertips
echoing on my skin.
Mere drops in an ocean of nerve cells
undulating through distances beyond measurements.
It felt otherworldly.
You gave me the courage to let you read the poems carved on my heart. And as far as I'm concerned, beauty will always lie somewhere between the deep oceans you promised me and your wide captivating smile.
I tried spreading my wings but trapped in your ribcage they would only spread halfway. You tell me I am no bird, that wings are not for me and that besides, your love is far too great for you to let me fly away. You do not understand that I only seek flying to reach a feeling of lightness; not escapism. For I have never felt trapped in you, until you thought I did, and closed up your ribcage.
You didn't have to tell me
about the barren wombs of the unfaithful
about the scars your love etched on the surface of my heart
about the soundless echoes in our hollow lives once our full moon
about the burns your words would leave on my soul when your blood was boiling
about the sound of a whip
about the whimpers of a baby born too late to bring the joys of the first born and reconcile our wounded hearts
about the tears my sister shed at the sight of my soft bruised skin.
No, you didn't have to tell me those things
for I should have seen that behind that beautiful smile of yours,
lay a soul broken beyond repair.
I wanted to tell you about the sleepless nights I spent wandering in the memories of what we could have been and about how I yearned to love you but was too tormented by the bitterness of our reality.